Mortality - #91

I thought my mom would live forever.  Of course in reality, I know that’s not possible. And yes, those we love and treasure always continue to live on in our hearts and memories; I just thought my mom would be around a lot longer. At just a hair shy of 99, she had an incredible life and eventually an enviable peaceful death.

One way I have come to describe my mom is “Renaissance Woman”.  She was gifted in so many ways and could do almost anything. She was an extremely intelligent, determined person and such a great example to emulate. Truth be told, I was not the easiest of kids and we clashed a lot over the years. The one quality I wish I had inherited from mom was her focus to accomplish whatever she set her mind to. I always felt I lacked that patience gene; but I think I’m getting better as I get older. 

My mother’s death has given me a lot more thought about my own mortality. In the “natural” order of life, this now means I have moved up a notch, closer to the end of my life; next in line. I have been feeling more vulnerable these days. If I am lucky enough to follow in her footsteps and have good, healthy years ahead of me, I plan to use them to the best of my ability. I am even more conscious of that now.

The last number of years as my mom aged, she gradually faded away. Though her intelligence and abilities remained intact, her short term memory became nonexistent. I often described her as “Ten-Second Tom”- a character from the movie “50 First Dates”. I had been missing her for a long time. These last number of years, to quote my sister Anne, became our “long goodbye”.

last photo  

I remember when my first husband, Robert(Bob) died very suddenly.  I had described my feelings as if I was in the middle of reading a really good book and having it slammed shut. My mom just ran out of pages…her story now complete.  But like any really good story- it lingers on and remains a part of you.  I still feel my mom’s presence; she is definitely still with me. She always will be.  

My dad has been waiting a long time to be with her again.  I’m glad they are together.